If Only
by Nugar
Summary: AU A comparison to High Maintenance, also just for fun. This time, it's Naruto who was born female. A serious, yet funny, look at a world where Naruko pretended to be a boy, but did a terrible job of it. Fem!NarutoxSasuke because I like messing with you.
1. Chapter 1

If Only

x

x

x

x

Everyone has good days and bad days. Everyone has days in between.

Naruto was having a bad day. It wasn't anything you could look at and say, hey, that's where my day went wrong. The milk was still good, there was still plenty of ramen, but still. The day sucked. Especially class. Seemed like nothing wanted to go right.

But not for that bastard, Sasuke. Oh, no. That asshole got everything right on the first try. Generally, that wasn't that big of a deal. He usually got everything really quickly. But today, the fucker had the nerve to actually make a little ironic comment about Naruto's abilities.

Considering how annoyed Naruto already was, it was the feather that tipped the karmic balance.

Sasuke had been having more of a 'meh' day. Not too bad, not too good. Average as average could be. Watching the idiot in orange desperately trying to set wire traps without getting tangled was an exercise in sympathetic frustration and sadness. It was actually painful to watch the dobe fail so hard, so he shared the pain with a simple quip.

Naturally, the others felt they had to laugh as if he'd made the funniest observation all year. Pathetic. Made him regret saying anything at all.

But, hell, class was over for the day, and he was heading out to a quiet place in the woods between training grounds where he could work on forms by himself for a while.

And then the foot, driven by an orange covered bastard, and how in the HELL he hadn't seen the dobe sneaking up on him in orange he did not know, slammed into his stomach.

The karma avenger was here, and Sasuke was officially having a bad day.

He grunted, doubling over and falling back on his ass.

"That," Naruto spat, "was for making fun of me earlier! Bastard!" He adjusted his goofy looking goggles and turned away.

Sasuke growled, pushed himself off the ground, and launched himself at the idiot.

Naruto might have been facing the other direction, but Sasuke's sudden retaliation was far from unexpected, and he dodged to one side, narrowly missing being kicked in the side by one sandal clad foot.

The trees were pretty close together in that section of forest, and both of them were strong and fast enough to jump pretty far, so for several moments they bounced off trees, Naruto frantically avoiding Sasuke's punches and kicks by the thinnest margins. Sasuke was quicker, but Naruto was actually pretty fast, and quite good at keeping trees and bushes between them.

"Hey, hey!" he yelled, circling to keep a slender young tree between him and Sasuke. "Quit it! You totally deserved that kick and you know it!"

"Stand still and take it like a man," Sasuke growled, his eyes narrowed in frustration. Not that a ninja would ever stand still and just take it, but there was the off chance Naruto really was that stupid. There was no way Sasuke was going to let an insult like that pass by, but it was also kind of irritating that he hadn't managed to get a good hit on Naruto yet. Naruto's taijutsu was sloppy and slow compared to his own, but since he kept running rather than fighting, he was proving pretty elusive.

"Hah! Not likely, asshole!" Naruto jeered as Sasuke bounced off a tree trunk and leapt at him once more. "Too slow-whooOOA-"

Sasuke had managed to grab the flapping hem of the back of Naruto's jacket, near the waist, as Naruto twisted away. His footwork was better, so he kept his balance as Naruto tried to jerk away, and used his handhold to twist and throw Naruto over his shoulder, keeping his grip on the jacket.

Naruto flipped as he was dragged backwards over Sasuke's back, and the floppy, loose jacket he always wore turned inside out, dragging his black t-shirt up with it, and both blinded him and bound his arms together.

He landed in an awkward crouch on Sasuke's other side, and then the dark haired boy lashed out with a kick that hit Naruto right in the chest.

Naruto flew backwards, the jacket stripping off his head and arms but leaving his shirt bunched up around his armpits, and landed hard on his back on the forest floor. Immediately he began writhing in pain, holding his chest.

Sasuke was left holding the inside out jacket with a vicious, satisfied smile.

"And that," he said, deceptively mild, "was for kicking me."

Then he noticed something odd. Before he kicked Naruto in the chest, Naruto wasn't wearing anything under his t-shirt.

And now… he had strips of cloth wound around his chest?

Naruto was grimacing in pain, clawing at the layered wraps with his fingers to loosen them and rub at the apparently sensitive area Sasuke had kicked. Just as the cloth started coming free, he noticed Sasuke's stare. Blushing like the setting sun, he hurriedly pulled his shirt down, but in doing so he had to uncover his chest.

There were two noticeable protrusions under the white wraps.

Breasts.

Sasuke stared.

"What the hell?" he wondered aloud.

"No I'm not!" Naruto cried, jumping to his feet, his face red with anger or embarrassment.

Sasuke blinked. His eyes narrowed.

"You're a girl?" he asked incredulously.

"No! I said I wasn't!" came the insistent reply.

Sasuke half smirked. Naruto was a terrible liar. "Prove it," he challenged.

Naruto practically snarled, grabbed the hem of his shirt, and pulled it back up. Nothing but smooth male chest met Sasuke's eyes. A chest without wraps.

"You know, if you'd left the wraps on when you used henge, I might have believed you," Sasuke said disdainfully, inwardly slightly impressed at how fast Naruto had used the technique. He hadn't even seen the hand seals. He would have never guessed henge, otherwise, but he was not in the habit of doubting his eyes, and he'd definitely seen a chest wrap.

Naruto hastily smoothed his shirt down, spluttering angrily. "What do you mean?! Of course I'm a boy! I'm totally a boy!"

"Really?" Sasuke asked, cocking his head sideways. "Then you wouldn't mind proving it after I dispel that henge?"

Naruto's eyes widened and he hastily stepped back. "Oh, hell no, bastard, you keep your hands off of me."

"And if I don't?" Sasuke asked, genuinely curious.

"You'll have to beat me first!" Naruto cried, his voice getting high and shrill as his hands clenched into fists.

Sasuke rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a second. "Mmm… okay."

"You bastard!" Naruto shrieked indignantly as Sasuke attacked.

Sasuke lunged forward, quick as a little snake, his footwork impeccable as he both maintained his balance and reached for Naruto, intending to flip the probable girl to the ground for a quick pin.

Naruto might not have been as skilled as Sasuke, but he had far less compunction against hurting the incoming Uchiha. His forward foot rose in a sweeping kick that caught Sasuke's left forearm in a stinging blow that sent his hand wide, and the dark haired boy had to lean aside to avoid catching the foot in the face. He was quicker, however, and dodged to his right, his right hand still moving in to grab the wrinkled cloth of Naruto's shirt.

Naruto's left grabbed Sasuke's as he cross punched with his own right fist, putting all the strength he had into the blow. Sasuke's eyes widened as the punch came in, and his options weren't good unless he let go of Naruto. Instead, he kept his grip and pulled Naruto closer, taking advantage of the fact that the recent high kick had left the blond off balance. Naruto was pulled into a stumble, and while his fist still crashed into Sasuke, it was not in the boy's face as he'd intended. Instead it was a partial extension blow that hit his shoulder instead.

Sasuke winced anyway. Naruto was stronger than he'd given credit for. Still, with one good grip, his other hand coming back into play, and Naruto both close and off balance, there was only one outcome. Naruto was shifting his weight forward onto the foot that had kicked, trying to regain his balance, and Sasuke simply added to the momentum with a twisting movement that slung him around and slammed him into the ground.

With Naruto stunned and him still on his feet, it wasn't too hard to grab one of Naruto's wrists and press it to the ground, even as he kneeled across Naruto's right leg with his own right. His left foot was still planted in the ground, so he was only kneeling on the one leg, which let him block a hasty punch to his groin with the mobile knee. It took a moment and some flailing, but eventually he was able to get the other wrist pinned, and all Naruto could do was scream, curse, and kick the underside of Sasuke's thigh with his one free leg.

Which was repeated. Rather… repeatedly.

"Get off me you fucking bastard!" Naruto swore and spat, even going so far as to crane his neck and try to bite Sasuke's forearms.

"You should have ran for cover, you'd have had a chance," Sasuke explained casually, easily avoiding Naruto's efforts. "In open ground, your taijutsu is too sloppy." He paused. "Even if you do punch like an Akamichi." He shrugged. "Ah, well, looks like you lose." He arched one eyebrow. "That means I win. Is this beating you enough, or do I have to hit you some more?"

Naruto's glare was murderous. "I hate you."

"Is that a yes?" Sasuke had him pinned down, and even Naruto could see that there was no way out of the situation. Sasuke had definitely beaten him, arguably fair and square.

Naruto seemed to swell in rage…

…then deflated and looked sullen.

"…fine, you win, whatever," he grumbled. "You want a look, look."

Huh. He hadn't actually expected Naruto to agree to the forfeit. Of course, it could be a trap, but there was only one way to find out. Sasuke let go of one hand, and Naruto obligingly pulled up his shirt.

Bare male chest.

Sasuke just gave Naruto a look like, 'who are you fooling?' Almost casually, he reached out and bopped Naruto sharply on the forehead.

With a soft, almost imperceptible burst of chakra, the henge disappeared and he was left staring down at two loosely wrapped lumps of undeniably feminine anatomy. It was quite subtle, far more subtle than he would have given the idiot credit for. The henge didn't change much, but it either enhanced or downplayed a lot. Naruto's features were faintly softer without the henge, which had apparently changed just enough to suggest masculinity when it was used. When the henge was inevitably disrupted during sparring, who would notice a few tiny changes? The breasts were the most noticeable feature, but it wasn't obvious even with only the t-shirt on top, and underneath the jacket that Naruto always wore…

Curiously, he reached out and hooked a finger in the edge of the loose binding cloth and tugged at it.

Naruto glared, but didn't move or say anything.

Emboldened by success, Sasuke pulled it down farther, revealing small, puffy breasts, reddened from having been squashed all day and also from being kicked.

Each was tipped by a cute pink nipple.

Sasuke really quite forgot to breathe there for a moment. Yeah, those were definitely tits, alright.

He'd never seen real breasts before. It was somehow different from the porn mags.

His heart pounded in his ears and his breath was shallow and rapid, and it seemed like everything was really far away, except for those breasts, which were the most fascinating, erotic thing he'd ever seen.

They made him feel naked and weak and brave.

He reached out and poked one, just beside that tight little nipple.

Naruto squeaked and hastily pushed him off, scrambling to her feet. "H-hey!" she protested, for it was doubly apparent that, in reality, Naruto was a girl. "The deal was for a look, asshole!"

Sasuke let himself be pushed off, leaving Naruto to blush and growl and pull her shirt down. She spent a moment adjusting the bandages underneath.

"And don't you tell anyone, asshole!" she growled. "It's a secret, the Hokage said so!"

Sasuke shrugged as if it didn't really matter one way or the other. Suddenly, he smirked. "All I saw was a pair of breasts. You could still really be a boy, for all I know." His gaze dropped lower. "I'd have to check one more thing to be sure."

Naruto's eyes widened. "Oh hell no, that fight was just for under the shirt. Fuck you!" Quickly, before he got any ideas, she turned and ran. She paused, once, a dozen meters away, when she realized he wasn't following. "And don't say anything! Or the Hokage will kill you!" she yelled.

Sasuke watched her disappear, still kind of shocked by the whole series of events.

He started to leave, then noticed that Naruto's jacket was laying forgotten on the ground nearby, still inside out.

He smirked.

Maybe the day wasn't that bad after all.

-_tits_-

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

Naruto tossed and turned in her bed, mostly laying flat on her back, the covers thrown back, her arm across her forehead, staring at the ceiling in the dark.

Someone knew.

After all these years, someone knew.

She knew her damned breasts were gonna give it away. They weren't big by any stretch of the imagination, but they were good solid A cups. She was having to wind the wraps tighter and tighter every day, and it was really starting to suck.

And, of all people to find out, it had to be that bastard, Sasuke.

He'd probably tell everyone out of spite, and there was really nothing she could do about it.

And to add insult to injury, he'd touched them!

And they were SORE. They were sore all the time lately, between growing and the damned wraps, but did he really have to kick her there?

Bastard.

Groaning in frustration, she flipped over and started calling Sasuke every insulting name she could think of.

xxxxxxxxx

Sasuke tossed and turned in his bed, mostly laying flat on his back, the covers thrown back, both hands behind his head as he stared at the ceiling in the dark.

He just kept remembering the events of the day.

It was... it was the first time he'd ever seen tits in person. The short stack of porn magazines in his desk drawer had given him quite a few eyefuls of the differences between men and women. And he wouldn't deny that it was interesting stuff. Yeah, okay, he had found the magazines in a dead cousin's house in the Uchiha district, but he was a young man and dead people's porn was better than no porn at all. Even if his cousin had turned out to have some incredibly perverted tastes.

Still, it was no comparison to the real thing.

She was just… there, beneath him, letting him look at her breasts. He'd had to trip her up and take her down with some taijutsu moves, but that might even have made it better.

And those firm little mounds of flesh, each topped with a pink nipple like a cherry on a bowl of ice cream… darker than most girls skin but paler than Naruto's face or hands, since he had the idea that maybe she didn't let them out all that often…

It made his stomach feel fluttery and his chest tight.

Such a shame.

He'd definitely like another look. Or two.

Maybe he'd have to fight her again for it.

…Oh, hell, again?

He looked down at the tent in his shorts with dismay, then got up and headed for the bathroom.

Ignoring it never crossed his mind.

After all, you didn't get to see tits every day.

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

It was early morning, the birds were chirping, the weather was nice-

"Give it back, you bastard!" Naruto yelled from behind Sasuke.

-and Naruto was a little later than Sasuke would have guessed. He honestly expected to be besieged in his apartment before he woke up that morning. Either Naruto was slower to realize that he thought, or couldn't find his home.

"Give what back?" Sasuke asked mildly, turning to look at the, as he now knew, girl.

She was standing at the end of the street, henged, of course, into a boy, wearing her usual orange pants, but, of course, her jacket was missing. All she had on was a mostly white t-shirt with some sort of complex spiraling logo on it that might or might not have had something to do with ramen.

"My jacket! You stole it so give it back!"

Sasuke just turned and continued on to the Academy. "As if I'd steal your jacket."

"I've already been back out there, and it wasn't there. I looked all over. So you took it, don't try to lie to me," Naruto growled running to catch up with him.

"Oh, yeah, I did get it. Didn't want it to get lost out in the woods," he agreed easily.

Too easily.

Naruto looked at him, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "So where is it?"

"Hn, I guess I forgot it at home. Sorry about that." He shrugged.

Naruto's voice rose. "Damn you… Well let's go get it!"

"No."

Naruto spluttered for a moment. "No? No?! Bastard, I need that jacket! What if someone… you know, hits me?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Not my problem. But if we turned around and went back to my apartment, we'd be late for school."

"So?"

"So? So?!" he mocked, keeping the grin off his face. "You might be the dead last, dead last, but I've got things to learn."

Naruto's face purpled and she bit back several angry retorts. Visibly mastering her emotions, she carefully said, "If. We. Ran. We. Wouldn't. Be. Late."

"I just had a shower, I'm not going to get sweaty this early in the morning," he replied without missing a beat.

"Fuck your shower!" she exploded. "I need that jacket!"

He smirked. "Again, not my problem."

"Oooooh!" Frustrated beyond all measure, she turned and sprinted back the way she came.

Sasuke watched her go, then continued on to school without the slightest concern.

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

Naruto showed up at the Academy during their mid morning bathroom break, looking rather frizzy and singed. Her glare was positively murderous.

Sasuke was impressed. The raiton tag was low powered, but it was still supposed to have enough juice to knock a person out. It was also the last trap that should have been triggered, and she didn't appear to be bleeding.

"Where is it," she asked, her voice low and deep enough to easily pass for a male.

He made a little mou and shrugged. "At home, I think. Unless I forgot and left it somewhere else…"

Naruto raised one hand, already balled into a fist.

"Do you really want to do that here?" Sasuke asked, jerking his head at the other students, several of whom had stopped in the hall to watch them. "I mean, you know, you're bound to get hit at least once…"

Naruto stopped and glanced back and forth. Everyone was looking at them, not even trying to pretend they weren't eavesdropping.

"I'm sure I can find it after classes are over," Sasuke offered.

"You suck. I hate you. Die in a fire," she said by way of agreement, and angrily stalked away.

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

Naruto sprinted along the streets, looking for her hated enemy. That bastard Sasuke had somehow managed to disappear right at the end of classes, and she had no idea where he went. The only thing she could imagine was that he was running home to check on the damage she'd managed to do.

And she had done some damage, oh yes. She'd all but torn the place apart looking for her jacket. The traps, okay, she could understand keeping some traps in place just in case some civilian thief broke in. But the raiton tag really pissed her off, because after disarming all the other traps, she had totally not seen it coming.

Not to mention it fucking hurt.

She met Sasuke in the street just around the block from his apartment. He lived on the top floor of an eight story building overlooking one of the many parks that dotted Konoha. Well, considering that most of the trees were taller than the buildings, perhaps 'looked into' one of the parks was more appropriate.

Sasuke did not have her jacket. He did, however, have an annoyed expression on his face.

"You made a mess in my apartment," he said accusingly.

"You stole my jacket," she countered, feeling that she easily had the moral high ground.

"I was going to give it back to you," he said reasonably.

"Liar!" she cried instantly.

He shrugged. "Well, I'm sure not going to _now_…"

"I'm going to kill you," she promised.

"Do you want to fight for it?" he asked.

She just looked at him, stunned. "Are you really going to make me fight for my own jacket? Don't you have your own damned clothes? You've got like… I don't know, money and stuff."

"You kicked me," he explained.

"You deserved it!" Naruto countered. "And you touched my boob," she added vehemently, though quite a bit quieter.

"You broke into my house-"

"You stole my jacket."

"-and you made a mess all over the place," he finished.

"Alright, fine," she huffed. "You want me to clean it up? I'll clean it up. But give me my jacket back."

"How about we fight for it?" he countered, bringing the topic back to his earlier suggestion. "If you win, I'll give you your jacket back."

She bit her lip and looked at him dubiously. "And just what do you want if you win?"

He shrugged. "Well, I'd thought about making you clean my apartment…"

That didn't sound too bad, but she wasn't sure she'd be able to beat him, and she really wanted her jacket back. Annoying as the bastard was, he WAS pretty good at taijutsu.

Her indecision must have shown on her face, for Sasuke spoke again.

"Unless you're too _scared_…" he needled.

Naruto, predictably, bristled at the implication. "As if I'd be scared of an asshole like you!" she growled.

"I won't even make you clean my apartment if you lose," he added. "You'd probably just mess it up more, I'd rather do it myself.

"Fine!" she spat. "But I get to pick the place!"

He considered that for a moment. Naruto had been pretty elusive in the dense woods… but he still figured he'd win. She had to close with him to fight, after all. Running away was not a win.

"Okay, as long as we go there right now and get this over with," he agreed, sounding as if he was bored.

"Y-You… You're the one who wants to fight in the first place!"

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

Sasuke grunted as he took yet another glancing blow he wasn't quite able to twist away from in time. Naruto had managed to slither like some big slippery eel through a tangle of branches that would intimidate a cat and flipped out to punch at Sasuke from a thoroughly unexpected angle.

"Hah!" she crowed. "Give up yet?"

He grit his teeth and gave her a kick to the calf as she fled back into the safety of the tangle of branches.

"I know this place inside and out!" she added with a laugh, secretly rubbing her calf. "Even ANBU give up if I make it in here."

'Here' was a lot on the outskirts of Konoha where the large trees that usually covered the ground had been destroyed or cut at some point in the past, and the saplings that had grown up in their place both had a truly staggering number of limbs, but also grew close together. It was actually the site of a mokuton technique performed many years previously, but few people knew that.

All Naruto needed to know was that it was dense and private and no one anywhere close to adult size had a chance in hell of crawling through it like she could.

Sasuke didn't follow her in, that time. After the last two tries, he knew better, now. She knew the branching path of possible routes through the tangle, and was able to double back and deliver a punishing series of kicks and punches to whatever body parts were in reach, although the worst blows tended to catch him in the back, over and over until he was able to finally slither out of reach. Other than a few hits and all the scrapes she'd gotten on her arms and hands in her mad crawl through the trees, Naruto was perfectly fine.

"So is that really your name?" he asked aloud, thinking hard. Obviously, he couldn't just perform a katon and set the whole mess on fire, even if he did do it slow enough for Naruto to get out. Throwing kunai wouldn't work, there just weren't enough gaps, plus he didn't want to kill her. At the same time, she was faster through the tangled mess than he was. It was an interesting puzzle.

"It's a great name!" Naruto cried almost immediately.

"Picked it yourself, huh?" he replied, sounding amused.

There were several moments of relative silence, where Naruto muttered things too low for him to quite catch. Finally-

"It's still a great name, bastard," she insisted.

"What's your real name?" he asked, easing some wire out of a hidden pocket.

"Hah! As if I'd tell you."

"I'm not going to admit that 'Naruto' is a good name until I hear your real one." He now officially had a plan. It wasn't the best plan, but Naruto wasn't stupid enough to leave her area of supremacy without some prodding. He was going to have to go in and take some more hits before he could convince her to come out and get stomped.

"It's a great name whether you admit it or not. A bastard like you probably wouldn't know a good name if you heard one." She paused. "Besides, if you know it, you'd probably just use it in front of people and give up my secret, and then I'd have to turn you over to the Hokage."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, his hands working on the wire in secret. "I'm not going to betray your secret. What do I care what other people know?"

"A secret isn't a secret if two people know it," she chanted. "Nuh uh."

His wire noose trap ready, he quickly crawled back into the thicket. Naruto watched him, her face set in a fox like grin.

"Back for more?" she asked cheekily, cautiously backing away.

"Hn," he agreed, crawling carefully through the branches. He intended to set up his own trap, not fall for one of hers. "Are you going to run forever?"

"Not forever," she admitted, but made no move to come closer. She retreated along a new path, one that she hadn't taken the last time Sasuke was chasing her.

He paused, studying the branches as best he could from his position. She had paused on top of a particularly long, thin limb that lay across another, much thicker one. And yet another limb forked above that, leaving a space not much bigger than an adult's leg between them. All around, the branches and twigs and leaves formed a nearly impenetrable wall. It looked like she'd be able to squeeze through a narrow gap, then drop down a branch and hit him from below while he squeezed through. She'd done that before, from a different angle.

Hmm.

No choice, he had to go for it.

Sure enough, Naruto's smaller stature and practice allowed her to slither through in a second, and even though he waited until she was a good ten feet in front of him, the moment he got his shoulders wedged in, she flipped down, through a gap he couldn't see from his angle, and crossed hand over hand underneath the limb until she found another branch to stand on. He could either try to defend himself with his hands alone, or he could continue pulling himself through.

He chose forward motion.

Naruto punched him in the side twice for his troubles, grinning the whole time.

His glare promised much retribution.

"Not so damned fun being on the receiving end, now is it?" she taunted, fleeing just as he was dragging his legs through. She quickly climbed back up to his level, then squirmed even higher, so she found a crossing branch above her.

Sasuke eyed it speculatively. It just might work.

Growling in not entirely feigned frustration, he leapt for her branch, crashing headlong into a series of smaller twigs and leaves, which left scratches on his arms, and face as he thrust his hands in to get a grip. Still, he was pretty determined, and they were just twigs. One hand at a time, he snapped them off close to the main branch, and he tossed them at Naruto contemptuously. Of course, they didn't come anywhere close to hitting her, but that wasn't the point anyway. Pulling himself nearly up to the limb, he saw her crouched further along, watching him carefully. She clearly wasn't sure what to make of this new development.

Sasuke gave a slow, measured look at the surroundings on the limb, then apparently gave up, letting himself drop back down so that he was hanging underneath, then flipped back to his original branch.

What she hopefully hadn't seen was that he'd left behind a wire noose trap hidden in the little leafy twigs he'd left just 'hanging' on the branch. A trap that he controlled, since he'd kept one end of the wire and could pull it at any time.

He paused a moment to wipe at a scratch on his face. It burned a little, but it was minor.

It was hot and humid in the dense tangle, and the air was also musty with tree bark and mold. It was pretty shadowy, too, but enough sunlight trickled through little gaps that they could see just fine. Ninjas liked low light conditions, and if they weren't yet ninja, well, they had the makings. They really weren't very high, only four or five feet off the ground, which was a nasty looking mess of old, dried leaves and dead twigs.

"Give up?" she asked. "I've already kicked your ass, you just haven't admitted it yet."

His response was to charge, scrambling along the limb at top speed, headed for the same place she'd used to climb higher.

'Come on, walk into my trap,' he urged mentally, keeping an eye on her movements.

As he reached the choke point to climb higher, he saw her turn around and start slowly backing along the limb. Not good. He couldn't tell if her foot was in the wire, and she appeared to be getting ready to run back and attack him again.

Ah, well. Sometimes life was a gamble. He pulled hard on the wire.

Naruto squawked in surprise as she felt the twigs around her move, and felt something thin and cool slide over her skin. Her foot actually was in the circle of wire, but not all of it, just where her toes were bent against the limb. The noose closed around her foot, but not around her ankle.

Sasuke immediately scrambled the other direction, keen to take advantage of her entrapment, especially if it wasn't going to last very long.

As he got closer, though, he wasn't able to keep perfect tension on the wire, giving Naruto some slack to work with. However, the wire had also caught some twigs in the loop when it closed, which complicated the removal for Naruto. She got it off right as Sasuke got beneath her again, and in her haste to get away, she lost her balance and fell.

Sasuke's eyes widened in surprise as they met in midair, her shoulder crashing into his, flipping him backwards so that they fell in parallel. One arm wrapped around her throat and one across her chest, but he was underneath her, and his back struck a branch with a nasty thwack. He grunted in pain as they tipped back forward, rotating so that she fell face first. She was able to throw out one arm and keep herself from smashing into still another branch, which twisted them and they fell sideways into the piles of musty leaf litter on the ground.

Sasuke had the upper hand, with one arm choking her and one keeping her other trapped to her side, but he was also the most dazed.

Frantically seeking to avoid a loss, she groped for the one thing that might let her still win the battle.

Sasuke gasped as a none to gentle hand grabbed his privates through his shorts. In response, he automatically tightened his choke hold.

"Gack," Naruto protested as her air was cut off. She squeezed harder, dimly noting that he was hard within his pants.

"Urk!" Sasuke protested, but didn't squeeze any harder. He quickly eased up on the pressure, but didn't take his arm off her throat.

Naruto considered that for a moment, glad to be able to breathe again, before a quick warning squeeze on her throat made her back off on her grip as well, but not so much she lost her hold.

"Aaaaah," he said, uncomfortably aware of his erection in her hand. "We seem to be at a stalemate."

"You can choke me out, but I guarantee you'll regret it," Naruto countered.

Sasuke winced. "Yes, that's what I meant. Draw?"

Naruto appeared to consider it. "Will you give me my jacket back?"

Sasuke snorted. "Generally, a draw is considered a double loss. I owe you nothing, you owe me nothing."

Naruto frowned. "I want my jacket. I couldn't spar at all today cause I was afraid someone would notice."

Sasuke's arm was actually across her chest, just below her breasts, and the impact had dispelled the henge. He squeezed that arm thoughtfully.

She growled in warning.

"A double win?" he hazarded. "I give you your jacket back, and you… prove you're really not just a boy with breasts."

She hissed in surprise, tensing in his arms.

"It could happen," Sasuke insisted, feeling kind of embarrassed. He didn't want to just come out and say that he wanted to look in her pants.

"You want me to drop my pants?!" she exclaimed, feeling his erection twitch in her hand. It almost made her want to let it go and rub her palm frantically, but that'd be all he needed to turn this into a straight win, so she had to keep… holding him.

"Just to see," he said faintly, his breath shallow and excited.

"Pervert," Naruto growled. She was trapped in a secret grove of trees with a pervert who had her in a chokehold. She had never been so mortified.

"I'm not the one cross-dressing," he countered. "And you're touching my-"

"I'm not cross-dressing," she hurriedly insisted, blushing like mad. She really was touching his cock. Hell, she had her hand around it. Oh, god, she was a pervert.

And another pervert wanted to see her… oh no…

"I do have your jacket," he reminded her.

She whined faintly, and he was struck by how incredibly perverted it sounded.

He thought he liked it.

"Give the jacket back first?" Naruto asked.

"An Uchiha," he said, sounding awkwardly formal, "does not break his word. But if you want it back first, okay. You kept your word yesterday."

The bastard had seen her breasts yesterday. She'd never stop blushing at this rate.

Wrapped around her as he was, he felt her breath hitch. She was breathing like he was.

"Double win?" she offered.

"Double win," he agreed, and let go of her throat. They quickly separated, causing the dry rotted leaves to crinkle faintly. "Now, how do we get out of here?"

Glad to have the excuse to hide her face, Naruto quickly climbed onto a low hanging limb and lead the way back to an easy escape route.

Sasuke eyed her orange covered butt with some anticipation as she climbed, but Naruto didn't notice.

"So where is my damned jacket?" she asked, all but stamping her foot in irritation after they finally got out of the thicket. She also had to stop and comb some dead leaves and spider webs out of her short blonde hair.

"I'll show you," he replied, leading the way as he, too, brushed leaves off.

At first, she was sure he was heading back to his apartment, that there'd been some hidden compartment that she'd missed, but he actually walked right on past his building.

And down the street to a laundromat.

Inside, he asked the lady behind the counter for the jacket he'd brought in yesterday, producing a ticket from the depths of some pocket. With a somewhat disapproving look at Naruto, weren't they all?, she went into the back and returned with Naruto's beloved orange jacket on a hanger. Sasuke paid without so much as a glance at Naruto.

"Thanks, bastard," Naruto grumbled, snatching it from the thieving Uchiha as soon as the clerk handed it over.

It seemed brighter, having clearly been washed once or twice, and pressed. And a few thin spots and tears had been fixed, and… was that a new inner pocket? Pockets in both sleeves? And extra layers in the elbows?

The old lady's expression got even more disapproving. "He brought that jacket in and had it repaired with his own money, and all you do is insult him? You ungrateful little brat!"

Naruto flinched guiltily. Sasuke had paid and all. "Yeah, well, it was his fault anyway. Thanks, I guess." She looked down.

Sasuke shrugged, nodded thanks to the clerk, who was still glaring at Naruto, and left the laundromat.

Naruto met him outside, still running her hands over the jacket, tugging at the new pockets. It felt good to wear it again. She'd missed it.

"See, I was going to give it back, but you had to go and mess up my apartment," he said accusingly.

Naruto blushed, looked down, then back up. "Well, you should have said something this morning."

Sasuke shrugged and didn't say anything. He just continued to look at her expectantly.

Naruto looked around, fiddled with her zipper, then noticed his gaze again.

He raised one eyebrow.

She blushed even more. "Alright, fine! Where do you want to go?"

He appeared to consider the question calmly, but inside he was a seething mess of anticipation. "Well, my apartment is near here…"

"Fine!" she exclaimed, and hurriedly led the way, her face burning.

As she walked, her mind went around and around. Was she really going to do this? She'd promised, she couldn't back down. But she was going to, to… But she had to! It was just looking, after all! She'd seen naked people in the naughty magazines lots of times. It wasn't any different. It was just… her. And it was Sasuke looking.

She glanced at him nervously.

Why'd he want to see hers, anyway? Surely any of his fan club would have shown him, gladly.

They entered his apartment, Sasuke opening the door with a key, then pausing to let her go in.

Good thing she'd already disabled all the traps. Bastard.

Bastard.

Bastard.

Bastard.

Striding into the little entry room, before she could think better of it, she hooked her fingers in the waistband of her pants and pushed them and her boxer shorts down in one smooth motion and spun around.

Sasuke was still closing the door behind him when he saw the motion out of the corner of his eye, and he turned and stared, fortunately pulling the door shut as he did so.

Naruto stood there, her orange pants around her thighs, her jacket open to show the white ramen-logo t-shirt. And just below the shirt and above the waistband of her pants was a vee of flesh formed by the crease of her hips. At the bottom of that vee was a cleft, and the skin around it was lightly furred with downy soft, golden curls.

Sasuke twitched and stepped closer, entranced.

Naruto made a hiss of indrawn breath and covered herself with both hands, shifting backwards in alarm. "No touching!" she squeaked. "That was the deal!"

Sasuke quickly put one hand up in a placating gesture. "Wait, wait!" he gasped. "I'm not gonna touch! I just wanna… see…" His gaze was still glued to her pussy.

Shamefaced, Naruto turned her head to one side and slowly pulled her hands away.

Sasuke got down on his knees, moving closer so he could get a better look.

Naruto was shaking and trembling, and her knees felt weak. She clenched her hands together. He was LOOKING at her. She'd never shown anyone before. She was… exposed. She kept expecting him to reach out and touch it.

She wondered if she'd let him.

Sasuke watched in fascination as the labia darkened and swelled slightly, not that he knew it was called the labia. The little cleft seemed to widen slightly, and Naruto's hips were trembling and swaying slightly.

"…beautiful," he whispered, surprising them both.

Naruto made a strangled squawk and hastily covered her privates again with her hands. "S-see, I am a girl," she insisted.

"Yes," he agreed, standing up and looking away, feeling, oddly, that he should give her some privacy while she pulled her pants up.

When he turned back, she was fully dressed, and he could focus on her face. She was really blushing, and her blue eyes-

How had he never noticed that she had blue eyes?

-sparkled with embarrassment and a little bit of anger.

"Well, you've seen now," she grumbled, or at least tried to, since her voice was a few octaves too high for it.

"Y-yeah," he agreed awkwardly.

The moment broken, Naruto fled the apartment at all but a run.

Sasuke let her go without protest. It'd be a few shaky hours before he realized he still hadn't gotten her real name.

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

Author's note: A tiny preview for the next scene:

Sasuke had no idea why she would dump the entire contents of his medicine cabinet in the bathtub, but leave his toothbrush alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Sasuke actually astonished himself by not immediately masturbating the second the embarassed blonde ran out of his apartment. The sight of his first up close, personal, incredibly attractive cooch sparked a kind of revolution in his head.

Actually, it wouldn't be completely inaccurate to say his mind spun with possibilities. And probabilities. And plans. New thoughts, new dreams…

New goals.

He still had to get revenge on his brother for the whole clan killing thing, but somehow it seemed so much less important than it used to.

Sasuke stood up, clenched his fist, and swore his dedicated pursuit of the feisty, charmingly inept girl Naruto had turned out to be. He might have to keep her secret. They might call him gay. Let them. He had seen that golden prize between her legs. He swore off jerking it, so the pent up frustration would fuel his efforts to a greater frenzy. He swore off endless training, because that would cut into the time he required to seduce Naruto. He swore he would fight through her tough tsuntsun exterior, and pin down the deredere maiden within.

Then, with the spirits of his ancestors as his witness, he would fuck her until the bed turned to splinters!

His resolution to not masturbate lasted almost an hour.

xxxxxxxxx

In the middle of cleaning up, his apartment that is, he stopped and considered. It was a little annoying that she'd trashed everything. Sasuke didn't exactly like to clean, and approached most of it with a casual indifference. He kept his place neat and when the floor got dirty he swept it, but he'd never waxed it and most of the unused surfaces of his home were covered in a thin film of dust that'd he'd rationalized away by calling it a security precaution. Being able to move without disturbing dust was considered a chunin level skill, so theoretically he'd know if someone had entered his home without permission.

Well, Naruto had entered his home without permission, and now there was dust everywhere.

Maybe he should wait, win another bet, and get her to do it? He bet Naruto would be cute as hell in a maid outfit, though she really needed longer hair to pull off the look. Hmm. Yeah, she'd look great with long hair. Maybe in pigtails. How would he get her in pigtails…

Hmm, well, he knew his fangirls would do anything if they thought it would make him like them more…

Ahah! He just had to convince her she was in love with him and she'd grow her hair out!

Of course, convincing her that she loved him might be kind of tricky, since she was one of the few girls who didn't like him. Maybe he'd have to change.

Sasuke made a mental note to find out what kind of men Naruto liked.

But what if… what if her biggest problem with him was that he was a jerk?

Contrary to popular opinion, Sasuke knew he was a jerk, he just didn't care. Since things like that didn't matter, he'd always ignored the little voice in his head that notified him of socially inacceptable behavior.

Was he going to have to start being nice to people?

Would it even be worth it?

Sasuke considered that for a moment, considering his nearly photographic memory of Naruto's naked girlbits.

Oh yeah… totally worth it. But let's not be hasty now, first things first. Hell, he needed to finish cleaning his apartment up first. Wash his dishes, refold his clothes, hang his curtains back up, everything. At least she hadn't broken anything in her rampage. That was remarkably considerate given he knew she was seething in rage.

Really, though, it was the dammedest thing. He had no idea why she would dump the entire contents of his medicine cabinet in the bathtub, but leave his toothbrush alone.

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

Naruto wandered around aimlessly for a while, avoiding people and fiddling with her jacket. Every few minutes she'd remember what she'd done earlier and her cheeks would burn in embarrassment. Then she'd remember that she'd gotten her jacket back from that jerk, and it was clean and mended and had really neat new pockets and some mesh reinforcement in a few spots, just like real ninja clothes, and she'd be all but walking on air.

Finally, she decided she'd had a rough enough day it was worth using one of her alloted Ichiraiku meals. She could only afford to eat there thirty times a month, so she had to ration herself carefully. A couple of incidents where she had to go whole weeks at a time without a bowl of Ichiraiku ramen had installed iron discipline in her that would be handy when she became Hokage, or so she fancied.

Ninjas had to know how to deal with deprivation and adversity, or so Iruka-sensei kept saying.

"Hey, Ayame-neechan!" Naruto called happily as she bounced up to the stand and took a seat.

"Hi- Oh nice!" Ayame blurted. "You cleaned your jacket!"

"Inorite?!" Naruto squealed back, twirling to show it off. "And it's got new pockets and armor and everything!"

"Very nice! It looks good on you!" Ayame replied, playing the good big sister. "Dad, look!"

"Ooooh, you really spruced it up, Naruko-chan!" Teuchi said cheerfully, wiping his hands on a towel.

"Mouu, I told you, old man, it's Naruto! Call me Naruto-kun!" Naruto, actually, Naruko hissed back in a loud whisper. "I'm a boy, remember?"

"Oh, oh, I forgot again. I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. Your new jacket makes you look very manly," he said with a chuckle. "But you know, convincing people that you're a boy when you've been known as a girl for almost your whole life isn't going to work very well."

"It's totally working!" Naruko insisted. "Everyone calls me Naruto and everything!"

"Yes, yes…" Teuchi replied. "So what will the young sir be having today?"

"Large miso, please!" Naruko chirped.

"So did you clean the jacket yourself?" Teuchi asked, working on the order behind the counter. "Some of those stains were really in there."

"No, actually…" Naruko looked embarrassed for the first time. "Uh, someone else did it for me. At a laundromat."

"For you?" Ayame asked, passing the bowl of ramen to the disguised girl.

"Thanks for the food!" Naruko said loudly, and dug in.

"Oooh, my girl senses are tingling. Something happened didn't it?" Ayame pressed.

But Naruko just blushed and shook her head and would say no more that night.

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

Naruto twisted to the right, but Sasuke was too fast for her, and his follow up leg sweep put her on her ass.

Jumping to her feet in indignation, she started protesting, but Sasuke's confident smirk derailed her accusations of cheating before she really got going. He didn't have to cheat.

"You're a bastard," she accused him.

You're cute, he didn't say back.

And she was, even with the short, pixie-like hair. Once he really looked closely, he could see how small she was under those baggy clothes she wore. She was the shortest in the class, even though she was the same age or older than everyone else. But, underneath that wrapping, her breasts weren't really small. They kinda popped out there. And she was kinda bumbling and inept, but not bad at fighting and really, really hard to pin down. Nothing he couldn't handle, but enough to make her… a challenge.

Blushing cutely, she yanked up her shirt and pushed down her pants and panties in one jerk.

"Fine, happy now?" she said, her voice laced with anger, but full of embarrassment as well.

Wonderful breasts, too large to be entirely hidden by bindings and now free from henge. Creamy pale skin and a little pink nipple just stiffening in the air, practically begging to be touched. And down below a tuft of soft, golden curls, just barely screening an intriguing fold, sent shivers up his spine and made his mouth dry.

Ah, to see them both at the same time!

Naruko squeaked as he stepped forward confidently, looming over her. Intimidated by his overwhelming proximity, she froze as he reached out and stroked a hand down her side, making her shiver. Slowly, his other hand drifted lightly over her flat, taut little belly, it would feel like velvet over smooth braded cords, and cupped one of her breasts, kneading and teasing the nipple between his fingers.

Sasuke shifted slightly, making more room in his pants for his erection.

His other hand drifted down, his fingertips combing through the delicate curls of hair, parting folds and stroking the satiny-

*WHAP*

The chalk shattered into a cloud of fragments as it bounced off his forehead, startling him back to reality.

And a classroom full of laughing people, plus Iruka-sensei, who was looking both amused and irritated from his position in front of the blackboard.

Iruka-sensei was known for being a deadly shot with that chalk of his against anyone caught not paying attention, but Sasuke had never been nailed before. It was sort of humiliating.

"Um, yes, Iruka-sensei?" Sasuke replied, blushing slightly in embarrassment.

Iruka's eyes twinkled in amusement and tapped a diagram of a complicated knot he'd drawn on the board. "I was saying, perhaps Sasuke would like to come up here and show us how to tie a three tug release knot in wire for a kunai trap."

Sasuke thought about that for a moment. Thought about how huge his erection felt in his pants and the rough probability of it being seen, which he 'modestly' assumed to be 100% due to the size.

"Um, no?" he replied, blushing even more furiously, his normally pale, stoic face a red mask of horrified embarrassment.

Iruka stared at him. Sasuke never turned down a chance to demonstrate his superiority. Iruka put two and two together and assumed five, in this case, quite correctly.

"Oh god. I just lost another one to puberty," he said faintly as he facepalmed.

Fortunately, the rest of the class was either too busy laughing at Sasuke's embarrassment and surprising refusal to show off, or didn't understand what Iruka meant.

For his part, Sasuke was rather relieved when Iruka relented and picked someone else to do it. That was a pretty complicated knot and he wasn't sure he could do it and hold a book over his crotch at the same time.

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

Naruko snagged the back of Masa's shirt as the boy twisted away from a slash with the wooden practice kunai. The blunt wooden training knives wouldn't do more than scrape and bruise, but it still hurt and provided plenty of incentive to be cautious in a fight. Unfortunately for Masa, the left handed slash was a cover for the grab she made with her right, and she had enough strength to yank up on the shirt as she twisted, copying Sasuke's move of two days previous.

Masa was flipped backwards over Naruko's head, his shirt bunched up around his arms and head so he was momentarily blinded as he landed in an awkward crouch on the other side, and Naruko's foot caught him square in the chest and laid him out flat.

Naruko stood up, holding his shirt aloft in triumph.

Laughter and a few small cheers rewarded her triumph. Masa wasn't bad at taijutsu but Naruko had given them all a thoroughly entertaining fight, and leaving him shirtless had been hilarious.

"Winner, Naruto!" Mizuki said loudly, as if the outcome was in doubt. Iruka scribbled something in a notebook and offered her a thumbs up.

"Hey, good fight!" Naruko offered cheerfully, offering both shirt and a helping hand to the brown haired boy as he sat back up, gasping and rubbing at his chest.

Scowling at her, he took the shirt but ignored the hand, climbing to his feet on his own.

Shrugging, Naruko returned to the sidelines as the next two, Kuda and Ryoichi got up to fight. The carefully monitored spars would take most of the day and served as a test to monitor taijutsu skills, since written exams could hardly show how well someone could throw or take a punch.

"Nice, Naruto," Chouji offered as the disguised girl plopped down on the ground beside the other slackers. Not that Chouji was a slacker, he actually had a pretty good class rank, but his best friend Shikamaru most certainly was. "You've gotten better."

"That shirt stripping move was pretty nice," Kiba agreed. Akamaru arfed agreement.

"Thanks," Naruko said modestly. "I have gotten better." She paused. "I even beat Sasuke yesterday!" she blurted suddenly, clearly having been waiting for any excuse to bring it up.

"Lies," Shikamaru replied.

"No! I totally beat him! We fought in that tangle of trees over behind Ishida's produce! It took a couple of hours, but I totally won!"

Kiba gave her a dubious look. "I dunno. If you said you'd beaten, I don't know, Noboru or Ino or someone like that, maybe I'd believe you, but Sasuke? If you're gonna make up stuff, at least make it believable."

"I did, dammit!" Naruko insisted, starting to pout. "We fought up in those trees, and he's a lot taller so he had more trouble moving in there. I did something he didn't expect and he acknowledged the win!"

"I believe you," Chouji said. Of all of them, Chouji was always the nicest to her.

"I believe we're not hearing all the story," Shikamaru said quietly, opening one eye and raising an eyebrow.

Naruko blushed suddenly. "What else is there to tell?" she insisted stubbornly. "We fought, I won."

Kiba sniffed, as if in disdain, but then he rubbed his nose slightly. "You do smell slightly like that showoff, but I bet Shikamaru's right."

"Whatever," Naruko snapped, and turned away.

"Oi, Sasuke!" Kiba called suddenly.

"No! Don't call that bastard over here," Naruko hissed, but it was too late.

Mizuki turned and glared at them for being loud during the fight, which they were supposed to be paying attention to, but Kiba ignored him and Naruko didn't notice.

Sasuke would have ignored the Inuzuka, but he'd noticed that Naruto was over there as well, so he feigned reluctance and casually walked over.

"Dammit, Kiba," Naruko hissed.

"Hey, Sasuke," Kiba said, ignoring her, "Naruto said he beat you yesterday. 'Zat so?"

Sasuke paused for a long moment.

Naruko glared at him, daring him to deny it.

Sasuke smirked.

Naruko's face fell, knowing that all he had to do was deny it and everyone would believe him. After all, who could beat the invincible Sasuke? But that never stopped her from trying, and her disappointed frown started turning as she prepared to fly into a rage.

"I knew it," Kiba crowed. "Naruto, you suck at lying-"

"He…" Sasuke interrupted, stressing the word, "is right."

Everyone stopped and stared at him. Even people nearby who weren't a part of the conversation turned and were obviously listening in.

"According to our agreement, Naruto won." Sasuke stood there, smirking in a self satisfied manner as Naruko's incipient explosion completely disappeared and she stared at him in surprise, along with everyone else. "It was a good fight," he added as an afterthought. "I wouldn't mind fighting him again."

Naruko gaped at him. So, for that matter, did everyone else.

Sasuke debated on whether or not to announce that it had actually been a double win, but wasn't sure whether it would be a better reaction or a worse one.

"Ohmigod Naruto beat Sasuke?!"

"Sasuke wants to fight again?!"

"Sasuke, I'll fight you!" Ino cried, pushing her way through the crowd.

"No way, Ino-pig! I'm gonna beat him up!" Sakura yelled back, giving her rival a hard shove as she also rushed Sasuke.

Unfortunately for Ino, she was off balance from shoving people, and Sakura was quite a bit stronger than she looked. Ino practically went flying out of the crowd, stumbling to keep her footing, right into the middle of the fight between Kuda and Ryoichi, both of whom were locked on to defeating the other. Ino took a kick to the side from Ryoichi, and Kuda's simultaneous punch landed squarely on Ino's nose.

Cartilage cracked.

Blood spurted.

Kuda's eyes widened as he realized exactly who he had just punched. He slowly pulled his fist back and started to stammer an apology.

Kuda was ranked 17th in the class overall, and 23rd in taijutsu. Ryoichi was 9th overall and 7th in taijutsu, just ahead of Naruko herself, who despite a last in the class rank was considered 8th at straight taijutsu.

Ino was second overall.

And currently third in taijutsu.

She did not go down from a nose breaking punch or a solid kick in the side.

She did, however, get pissed.

Even the two teachers weren't fast enough to stop what happened next. Ino's left hand grabbed the collar of Kuda's shirt and her right slammed into his solar plexus at almost the same instant, driving the breath from him in a woof. Then he was hurled bodily into the crowd, arms and legs flying wide.

The crowd of students, already riled up from previous or anticipated fights, and on the hair trigger of people being taught to kill, plus reeling from being shoved by Sakura, reacted poorly to this new assault. One boy caught Kuda's forearm across the face. Another girl, Ami, got kicked in the back.

And even as Ino rounded on poor Ryoichi, the class spontaneously erupted into an all out brawl. Ami turned at the kick and threw a straight punch at Sakura, who responded with a textbook tomenage stomach kick-throw, rolling backwards to toss Ami behind her. Only to be accidentally kneed in the head as she went backwards by Matsuda who was just trying to get out of the way of someone punching wildly behind him.

Kiba, a hair trigger if there ever was one, and watching the ball of kicking, scratching chaos sweep towards him, excitedly lashed out at the first person he saw.

Which was Sasuke. Who, honestly, was not expecting an out of the blue punch to the eye, which temporarily blinded him with pain.

Naruko had actually stepped forward to stop Kiba, or the fight behind Sasuke, or, possibly, just to get involved. She immediately got a misaimed split lip from Sasuke for her troubles. Then Akamaru bit her when Kiba, dodging Sasuke, ran into her, and then Sasuke pitched forward as no less than three struggling students slammed into him from behind.

Chouji tried to hold out his arms and brace to shield Shikamaru from the incoming clusterfuck, but unfortunately most of his techniques tended more towards unstoppable force rather than immovable object.

Shikamaru simply wasn't fast enough to get out of the way, and ended up on the bottom of the resulting pile, being slowly suffocated by the combined weight of several people plus Chouji.

Quickly calculating the likely results of any possible actions, he opted to simply lie there and hold his breath. Being stepped on a few dozen times by people not watching their footing was infinitely preferable to the quickly developing epic asskicking everyone was dishing out to everyone else above him.

Only one person in the entire class managed to avoid the fight, and it wasn't poor shy Hinata, who was blushingly stammering apologies to Tatewaki as she choked him unconscious with an arm across his neck while using him as a human shield against two friends who were trying to get through her against another boy they had a mutual grudge against. Sadly, she went down to an axe kick, meant for someone else, that caught her in the short ribs.

Shino never moved from his seat no less than ten yards from the closest student, even when Mizuki and Iruka waded into the huge free for all, literally sending students flying with kicks and throws in their rush to separate the students who were quickly degenerating into dangerous, potentially lethal techniques.

Sometimes, being a loner pays off.

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxx

"That," Kiba wheezed, holding his side, "was _awesome_."

Almost the entire class was lined up in the hallway. About half of them were still bleeding or holding sprains, waiting to be seen by the medics on staff. A few were inside, getting treated. And the rest, after they had been treated, were immediately lined up again, leaned against the wall or sitting against it as they waited to be called in, one by one, into the classroom for individual punishment.

Six people up the line, as one of the few not requiring actual treatment for the foot shaped bruises covering his body, Shikamaru demurred. "That sucked," he opinioned. Though he hadn't been one of the actual fighters, the only one spared the teachers' wrath had been Shino, who clearly hadn't been involved. Shikamaru's protests that he'd just lain there had fallen on deaf ears.

Sakura held a small tuft of pink hair in her hand and worried if her forehead was even more prominent now while she rubbed gingerly at a bump on her head. Ami pulled hair.

"I blame Naruto," Ami said.

"I blame your face," Matsuo countered.

"I hate you all," Sasuke announced as he emerged from the nurses office, his face and neck stained brown from the iodine used to treat the long scratches he'd picked up… somewhere.

"I' w's kinda funn'," Naruko lisped through split, swollen lips and picked at the gunk she'd gotten under her nails with one thumb as she helped support Hinata behind her, who couldn't stand up straight. She was at the head of the line, next to be called in.

Ino emerged from the classroom, rubbing her backside gingerly. She had a large bandage over her nose and, for a change, actually did sort of look like a pig. Her cheeks were red and she wouldn't look at the others.

Naruko looked at her for a moment, but couldn't help herself.

"Did he at least give you an A?"

Sakura giggled.

Ino giggled, though it was pretty nasal.

And pretty soon the entire class was laughing, even as Iruka bellowed "NARUTO!" from inside and Naruko went to face the music.

X

X

X

X

X

X

Author's Lie: Eh, here's as good a stopping place as any. I have more, but I'll save it for the next chapter. I've also got almost completed new chapters for a lot of things, as well as one more new thing. Look for a lot of new updates in the next week or two. Or three.

Sorry it's taking me so long to update lately. I've been having issues.


End file.
